21 members arrived at Thorney Lakes to near perfect weather for golf. Beautiful sunshine and no wind to speak of.

All sat down (other than John Dexter) for a mini breakfast with tea and coffee before the golf began. As a member of Thorney Lakes, did John know something the rest of us didn’t? Clearly not as for £25 for golf and a great breakfast, it must be the best deal of this year’s campaign, well done Les for negotiating this.

Upon asking 2 members of Thorney Lakes for some information and tips about the course, all we got was the usual ‘keep it on the fairway and stay out of the rough and the water’ – thanks guys!

During Breakfast Trevor Chapman told of a lesson where he was instructed to try a 2 rather than his usual 3 knuckle golf grip, Turns out this was poor advice and he’s back to being 3 knuckle Trevor. What a waste of £70 that was!

To avoid slow play Les instructed all to abide by the 3 minute search for a lost ball rule and move forward as quickly as possible.

With all the formalities and pre match banter complete, the serious matter of playing golf arrived.

Dave B and Roy F turned up for their tee time, only to find that Alan W was missing! As the previous group disappeared into the distance 3 knuckles Trevor went off to find him. In the meantime Dave and Roy teed off, but unfortunately for Roy his first drive went into the lake by the 18th green and his provisional couldn’t be found, resulting in a blob on the 1st. Thankfully Trevor was able to track down Alan and he eventually joined us on the fairway.

Geoff D played alongside Richard C who kept saying something he couldn’t quite understand, but strangely had a slight northern accent. Apparently Richard was saying ‘there’s plenty of room down the left’. Turns out Richard worked in Middlesbrough for 6 years, Wey Aye man!

Nearest the pin was on the 17th and Les was just a few yards from the hole, but wait a minute, wasn’t that a provisional? Yes it was, leaving Richard C with the prize. Hard luck Les!

Roy F tees off on the 16th, only to be told by Dave and Alan that it didn’t clear the ditch. A provisional is played. Alan’s drive goes into the ditch to the left. Following Les’s instruction, spending 2mins 59secs looking, both balls were declared lost. Alan took a drop and following an air shot, started shouting profanities at the stinging nettles whilst proceeding to destroy them with his club. Meanwhile Roy F found his first ball circa 40yds further on from the ditch! Sorry Roy!

Well done to Les and Dave W, this being the first time they have finished the 18th hole. Only Paul F managed to par this hole with 10 players scoring 8 or more, highlighting how tough it is! In fact, with unforgiving rough and plenty of other hazards to negotiate, resulting in many lost balls, the course did play hard on the day, demonstrated by the generally low scores recorded. However, a few played very well as confirmed by the following results:

Dave West 37pts – 3rd on countback
Jon Kelly 37pts – 2nd
Les Wells 40pts- 1st

Well done Les, Jon and Dave, great scores on a tough and demanding course.

With 3 events remaining it’s all to play for at the top of the Leaderboard with Les Wells 109pts, Paul Flanders 105pts and Dave Harrison 104pts leading the way. The next event is at Tydd St Giles on the 16th August so clear your diaries and get out and play some golf!

Report by Dave B.

Trevor’s golf has its up and downs but he’s gone a stage further with his Shirtie entry:

Somebody Told Me that Martin had his Shirtie on at the Killers at the O2 recently. He was told to Smile Like You Mean It but he’s only Human and always our Mr Brightside.

We had a large turnout for the June event at Elton Furze to play for the normal monthly Stableford points competition plus the annual President’s Cup which is played for in medal format.

The course looked in very good condition with the recent sunshine after the endless spring rainfall. The scoring was excellent although some people accidently disqualified themselves from the President’s Cup by ‘picking up’ once they could not score any Stableford points (doh!).

On to the winners….

Monthly Stableford

· Steve Walker 36 points

· Les Wells 35 points

· Richard Cheng 33 points

President’s Cup

· Winner Geoff Delaney Nett 70 strokes

Follies tradition dictates that any player can win only one prize on each outing. Dave Harrison (who scored 40 points) chose to take the prize for winning nearest the pin on the 2nd and Andy Izod (who scored 34 points) chose the special prize (to celebrate Les’s 70th) for nearest the pin on the 15th.

The team conspired to create some memorable moments causing great hilarity. Charlie Johnson entertained the gallery on patio by playing from one greenside bunker to the other on the 18th, Yim Kong managed to lose 6 Taylor Made golf balls, Richard Parker found his second shot on the 4th about a foot underground in a greenside rabbit burrow and Paul Flanders made himself an early contender for bunker flunker because he took 4 shots to get out of a bunker on the 9th. However, saving the best until last, Graham Tooke had us in stitches as he described raking the bunker backwards on the 12th (apparently this is the way in New Zealand) when he tripped on the bottom step and ended up nearly giving himself a cheap thrill with the rake holder! Very ooh err, Matron!

Paul Flanders currently leads the 2024 season standings with 103 points from three rounds with Les Well a close second on 101. All to play for over the rest of the season!

The next outing is on 26th July at Thorney Lakes. Details to follow.

Report by Richard Parker (or is Parker just his pen name)

“Dave Ballard in the rain forests of Costa Rica.”

Chris Munro “All the way from Mexico – well actually Roccos Crazy Golf in Jersey – proudly showing off my winning card having beaten my brother!”

Graham Tooke advises “I think my explanation of Fritz Follies, Handicaps and Stableford was lost in translation!”